(no subject)

[xp_nightcrawler]

Today and yesterday have been a whirlwind of new people and work. Ororo showed me the gym on Saturday, and I've started trying to rig something to at least simulate flying. I really miss it.

All of us have been put in groups to pick up new students. I was pretty excited about it, because being the only new person has been sort of uncomfortable. I know everyone is trying, but it's just not the same.

Being her is so different from out there, I had almost forgotten the revulsion most people have when they see me. BUt that came back to me today.

Rahne....she thought I was a demon. I guess I should be used to it, I mean, that's what I played in the circus, but the troupe new me, and even the xenophobic ones....they knew I wasn't evil.

It's not her fault, it's just the cross I have to bear. I know God made me this way for a reason. I have faith that my life has purpose and meaning. But sometimes I just want to know what it is. If I'll ever really be 'normal.' I mean, I'm 23. In the rest of the world, people my age are graduating from university, getting married, having families. And I wonder if I will ever really get to participate in that. Would anyone ever want to marry me? Should I even think about passing these genes on, knowing that if my children look anything like me, I'm bringing them into a world that won't love them or cherish them? I've never had to call all of this into question the way I did today.

Comments

[x-storm.livejournal.com]

Want to talk about it?

Well, with someone other than yourself and God, I mean.

But sometimes I just want to know what it is. If I'll ever really be 'normal.' I mean, I'm 23.

If I recall correctly, at twenty-three, that is normal. The wondering.

Re:

[x-bamf.livejournal.com]

As much as I enjoy your company, I think this is something I need to work out for myself. Thanks anyway. Maybe some other time.

*swallows hard*

[x-rahne.livejournal.com]

I am sorry. Truly.

You say it's not my fault, but I should have thought. If I'm a werewolf, and not like all the stories....

I should have known better.

You sound as if you'd bring up children much better than some people do.

Re: *swallows hard*

[x-bamf.livejournal.com]

It's alright. It's really not you. You just reminded me of many things I thought I had put behind me.

You sound as if you'd bring up children much better than some people do.

Hopefully someday I'll have the chance.

[x-psylocke.livejournal.com]

Are you still on the roof? Is that where you've set up your rig? Kurt, please realize she is a child and been a bit.....sheltered.

Will you talk to me?

Re:

[x-bamf.livejournal.com]

Betsy, I'm really not angry at her. She had every right to react the way she did. I don't look normal. Even I have been to the European churches that have statues that look like me portraying devils.

And if you feel like we shouls talk, of course we can.

Okay...

[x-rogue.livejournal.com]

I could write you an essay here, but I won't. I know what you're saying here... I know I'm only 17 but it's on my mind too. If you want to catch me while I'm optimistic, I'll give you what I think at the best of times and you can feel free to cram it back down my throat when I lose faith. I'm not hard to find, if you want to.

Family

[x-siryn.livejournal.com]

I can see how trying to be 'normal' is even harder for you than the rest of us (though I think you're cute). But even we have problems, have family reject or use us.

Even though it's not perfect we are a family here, and that means we have a lot more than others. You're new here but I'm sure you'll soon find that we care for each other and love each other. (well mostly and most times)

::looks at your userpic:: Faith, hope, love, still having that means a lot. It's good you have something to hold on to.

Terry (slightly precocious, huh?)

Re: Family

[x-bamf.livejournal.com]

Thanks Terry, I really appreciate it.

[x-dazzler.livejournal.com]

...

Maybe what we're doing now, why we're all here to do, is to try and make the world a better place, so that such things won't matter in the future... I'm not sure if I believe that it can happen but - I guess I wish I could.

~

On a more random note :
You'll be there for the barbecue the kids are organizing this weekend, won't you? We've yet to meet in person.

Re:

[x-bamf.livejournal.com]

I told Jubilee I would be there already, so I look forward to meeting you Ms. Blaire.

Re:

[x-dazzler.livejournal.com]

And I look forward to meeting you as well, Mr. Wagner. ;)