(no subject)
May. 20th, 2003 11:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xp_nightcrawlerToday and yesterday have been a whirlwind of new people and work. Ororo showed me the gym on Saturday, and I've started trying to rig something to at least simulate flying. I really miss it.
All of us have been put in groups to pick up new students. I was pretty excited about it, because being the only new person has been sort of uncomfortable. I know everyone is trying, but it's just not the same.
Being her is so different from out there, I had almost forgotten the revulsion most people have when they see me. BUt that came back to me today.
Rahne....she thought I was a demon. I guess I should be used to it, I mean, that's what I played in the circus, but the troupe new me, and even the xenophobic ones....they knew I wasn't evil.
It's not her fault, it's just the cross I have to bear. I know God made me this way for a reason. I have faith that my life has purpose and meaning. But sometimes I just want to know what it is. If I'll ever really be 'normal.' I mean, I'm 23. In the rest of the world, people my age are graduating from university, getting married, having families. And I wonder if I will ever really get to participate in that. Would anyone ever want to marry me? Should I even think about passing these genes on, knowing that if my children look anything like me, I'm bringing them into a world that won't love them or cherish them? I've never had to call all of this into question the way I did today.
All of us have been put in groups to pick up new students. I was pretty excited about it, because being the only new person has been sort of uncomfortable. I know everyone is trying, but it's just not the same.
Being her is so different from out there, I had almost forgotten the revulsion most people have when they see me. BUt that came back to me today.
Rahne....she thought I was a demon. I guess I should be used to it, I mean, that's what I played in the circus, but the troupe new me, and even the xenophobic ones....they knew I wasn't evil.
It's not her fault, it's just the cross I have to bear. I know God made me this way for a reason. I have faith that my life has purpose and meaning. But sometimes I just want to know what it is. If I'll ever really be 'normal.' I mean, I'm 23. In the rest of the world, people my age are graduating from university, getting married, having families. And I wonder if I will ever really get to participate in that. Would anyone ever want to marry me? Should I even think about passing these genes on, knowing that if my children look anything like me, I'm bringing them into a world that won't love them or cherish them? I've never had to call all of this into question the way I did today.
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no subject
Date: 2003-05-20 08:07 pm (UTC)Well, with someone other than yourself and God, I mean.
But sometimes I just want to know what it is. If I'll ever really be 'normal.' I mean, I'm 23.
If I recall correctly, at twenty-three, that is normal. The wondering.
Re:
Date: 2003-05-21 07:12 pm (UTC)